Friday, May 2, 2008

Why Hemingway did it..

Hemingway once wrote about his father who committed suicide that he can understand him but still cannot accept the act of suicide. One fine morning the same Hemingway put the shot gun into his mouth and pulled the trigger. I found it silly when I read about it but now I realise what might have happened to him.
When someone develops depression though you understand the implications of your death as caused by yourself you don’t have much options. You know all your thoughts are biased to the negative side but still cannot help it. Sadness is coming in waves as if towards a frail ship. The ship wants to see the skies but the only thing it can think of is how bad the next wave is going to be. You somehow get a strange enjoyment of brooding on how every body hates you and what a waste your life is. You feel lonely. So you get angry with people and in the end you become lonely. Only thing you are happy about is that you have been proved right in your assumptions about 'badness' of people.
You are not able to sleep. You don’t want to eat anything. Good thing about crying is that you can rest for the next 5 minutes before you start again. You cant work because you cant concentrate. And whats the point anyway?
Death starts to appear like a warm embrace- a kind of solution for all your problems. And your thoughts are programmed to reach this shrine of an idea after a lap of thought about any thing.
If you are aware that all these are occuring due to depression can you come out of it using your sheer will? The answer is 'no'. Atleast not always. Depression is a problem of your affect- that is your sustained emotion. So your cognition may not be always able to influence it though they have a reciprocal relation to each other.
So what do one do in such a situation? Communicate. Seek help. Give vent to your emotions. Write. Trust someone.
I know I know. What you are trying to say is that this is like asking the dog with tooth ache to chew well to get rid of his toothache.
Still it can be tried. Or hope that your family members will pick it up without your saying so.
Its not an accident that suicide is more prevalent among unmarried...

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